The Land of Toddlers

During any stay in Germany you may find yourself muttering under your breath, "What is this place...a country of preschoolers?!?" This reaction is likely in response to one of the following scenarios:

a) the German inability to line up respectfully

When it comes time to line up at a bus stop, at cultural events, or in a store, no rules govern German behavior. No wait, one rule does: the rule of self-preservation. Here's a brief picture of what you may encounter: There is the person who jockeys for position, sometimes resulting in the bodily harm of any unsuspecting victim whose elbows aren't out and on the ready. There is the person who simply breezes past the rest of humanity straight to the front, not noticing the looks of indignation in the crowd. (It should be noted that the only indignation appears to come from foreigners. I'm convinced the other Germans are just sorry they didn't think of the idea themselves.) Then there is the German (typically a woman) who says Entschuldigung (Excuse me!) as she's literally pushing you out of her way in her quest to get to the front. Don't be fooled by her smile. She doesn't mean it. You'll figure this out when she leaves a wake of children and grandmothers in her warpath of niceties to the head of the line.

Clearly they didn't practice forming lines, a regiment most Americans are intimately familiar with.

b) the unabashed staring

Germans stare and I mean seriously look you up and down. It doesn't matter if you catch them in their staring; even staring back may not deter them. Berlin cafe culture actually encourages this disarming habit. Almost all cafes have outdoor seating and inevitably all of the chairs on the sidewalk have been turned to face the street, meaning any pedestrian that walks by is on full display for the eager audience. And because Germans like to spend hours at a cafe sipping coffee (a habit I can get behind), you're likely to be stared at by the same people on your way back from whatever errand you just ran. And Heaven forbid, you go by in workout clothes. This provokes near snarling from the crowd as exercise gear is apparently not street-appropriate. From children to grandparents, staring is pervasive. Pretending to read your book will not work. Look up... yep, they're still staring.

Their mothers must not have taught them that it's not polite to stare. They should have.

c) the mass consumption of Apple Juice

You would not believe the amount of apple juice that is consumed in this nation. By adults. Apple juice, or more specifically Apfelschorle - a half and half mixture of apple juice and sparkling mineral water - is one of the most popular drinks in Germany. Wikipedia says (and if any of my students are reading this, this is not a justification of Wikipedia as a research tool) that Apfelschorle is "popular in summer and among athletes." Athletes? Really? Back to the point: where might you spot apple juice? In the handbag of the trendy German teen out with her friends. Being carried by the German construction worker on his way home from work. (Mind you, this is a 6-pack of liter bottles. That burly man must hit the juice hard.) On the menu of nearly every restaurant. At business meetings (where you have 3 options: coffee, water, apple juice). John and I are still taken aback by the practice. "They know it's apple juice, right? Has someone told them?"

And before you accuse me of being unfair, I've tasted it. It tastes like watered-down, fizzy apple juice. Just throw me some Cheerios, give me some crayons and I'll have fully reverted back to my daycare days.